The Shape of Days

April Castro of the Associated Press reports that Texas state representative Al Edwards wants to use the state’s power to dole out education funds to discourage “‘sexually suggestive’ performances” at high school events.

Please don’t judge all Texans harshly for this. We’re fairly independent folks, and we believe in taking care of our own problems. Rest assured that Rep. Edwards will be looking for a new job come the next general election.

For the record, most of us Texans know that when a thirteen-year-old boy looks at a thirteen-year-old cheerleader’s butt, he’s gonna think about sex. But we also know that when a thirteen-year-old boy looks at linoleum, he’s gonna think about sex. You don’t see us trying to ban vinyl flooring.

• I’m not gonna judge her
• The 60-day window
• ‘The government has created a dependent class of people’